That Old Feeling
by Cutieqtpie
Summary: A future Carby fic based on spoilers for 10.21...do not read if you don't want to be spoiled
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: That Old Feeling  
  
CATEGORY: Abby/Carter  
  
SPOILERS: There are spoilers from the end of season 10, so turn back now if you don't want to be spoiled.  
  
RATING: PG-13 even though there's really nothing that bad in it.  
  
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She walked into the lounge with a slight skip in her step. Since the graduation ceremony the previous day, she had been living on a high, despite being called in the very next day because someone had a personal problem. They didn't even tell her who it was, just and apology and that she was needed. It was her choice, though, she had worked the long hours to get here, and she wasn't about to start regretting it...or at least not until the end of this shift. It took her to the time she got to her locker to realize that someone was lying on the couch. At first she didn't recognize the person, since they were sleeping on their side with an arm flung over their head, but then the figure moaned and moved and Abby realized exactly who it was.  
  
"Are you okay?" Were the first words she said, because John Carter the third looked horrible. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry if I made noise coming in, I didn't realize anyone was sleeping in here."  
  
"I wasn't sleeping." He mumbled.  
  
"Oh." She said, nodding as she searched for something in the locker. "Do you have a shift now?"  
  
"No, Weaver told me to go home, but I couldn't leave so she banished me to the lounge and called someone in to take over my shift."  
  
"Yeah, that would be me." Abby said, with a small smile of self pride.  
  
"Oh. You graduated?" John sat up in the sofa, but laid his head back.  
  
"Yeah, yesterday."  
  
"That's great." He said, however the void of enthusiasm in his voice sparked curiosity in Abby.  
  
"Do you want to talk about what's wrong with you or do want me to just go away and leave you here in this state?" She tried sarcasm, but he still denied himself any feeling.  
  
"The baby died." He said after a moment, and quickly buried his head in his hands. This took a second to process through Abby's head before the smile on her face dropped.  
  
"I'm so sorry John. Kem miscarried?"  
  
"He tangled himself in the umbilical cord and cut off blood flow."  
  
"When did this happen?"  
  
"Yesterday at some point. Kem didn't know anything was wrong, but then we couldn't feel a heartbeat and I brought her in. They induced her and she delivered a couple hours ago." Abby could see his heart breaking as he said the words.  
  
"Why are you down here? You should be with her." She said softly.  
  
"She doesn't want to see me. She doesn't want to see anyone." His tone was bitter and Abby shut her locker and went and sat down beside him. "She didn't even want me to tell anyone, but I had to call someone, so my father is sitting up there in the waiting room."  
  
"Then you should go home. You're not helping her or yourself by sleeping on an uncomfortable couch in a hospital emergency room." She stared at her hands, which she placed in her hands. "I'm sure..."  
  
"Why did this happen?" She couldn't tell if he was asking her or just asking the world in general, but she decided to respond anyway.  
  
"There's never any reason. It just wasn't meant to be. You'll both be better one day though, and when you realize that, you'll be able to move on and go back to normal."  
  
"I don't think that will ever happen."  
  
"Trust me, it will." Abby said, with a knowing smile and reassuringly placed her hand on his shoulder, giving it a small squeeze.  
  
"I was so concerned that I was going to do something wrong that I didn't even think about other problems. And her due date was only a couple weeks away. She shouldn't have been going back and forth to Africa so much, I told her she shouldn't."  
  
"You can't control her, and you couldn't control the baby, you shouldn't blame yourself." She shook her head. "It helps to talk about it though, no matter who with, it just helps."  
  
"Can I talk to you?" He said, and her breathe caught in her throat as those dark brown eyes looked into hers, but she quickly shook off that old feeling and nodded.  
  
"Of course, I'm always here." They sat for several minutes, with her hand on his shoulder and him just sitting there, until finally he spoke.  
  
"We had already decided on a name. Matthew."  
  
"That's a good name."  
  
"My grandmother always said it was up to me to pass on the Jonathan Truman Carter bit, but I don't know, it didn't seem right. I always thought...nevermind." He changed his mind and shook his head.  
  
"Matthew Carter." The name played on her lips and a sad smile appeared on his face. She noticed this and responded. "John, go upstairs and sit with her. She loves you, you love her, you're both grieving, keeping it to yourselves only makes it worse."  
  
He contemplated this before slowly standing up and rubbing his eyes. Right before he exited the room, he turned around and looked at Abby, who still sat on the sofa.  
  
"I was going to ask her to marry me. After the baby came. I thought we were doing the right thing. I thought that was what I wanted. I thought it would make me forget everything. God......Abby....." He stopped as if he realized she was suddenly in the room, then grabbed the door handle and shook his head. "Thank you."  
  
And he was gone and she was left sitting there wondering if that had really just happened. She collected herself and went outside to start her shift. The first person that she found at the admin desk was Susan, six months pregnant, but looking much bigger than just those months.  
  
"Hey, was that Carter that just came out of there?" Susan asked her friend.  
  
"Uh, yeah." Abby grabbed a chart as she flung her stethoscope around her neck and straightened her lab coat. She didn't want to get into everything with Susan, because she knew Carter really didn't want it getting around quite yet. "I'm running late, it's a good thing Weaver's not around. We'll talk later, okay?"  
  
The other woman nodded as she ran off towards an exam room. The next twelve hours went by in a blur for Abby. The next thing she knew, her shift was over and she was packing up to go home. She grabbed her bag from her locker and headed outside towards the El. As she walked through the ambulance bay doors, she heard someone bouncing a basketball and then she heard the swish that came when the ball went through the hoop.  
  
"I didn't think anyone had played with that thing since Mark died." Abby said, wrapping her sweater a little closer around her. Even though it was May, the weather was still a little chilly, especially with the breeze coming off the lake.  
  
"I do sometimes. When I need to, when I need advice, it makes me feel better, like he's still here." Carter dribbled the ball a couple more times and then shot again, but this time it hits the backboard and bounces off the rim and goes flying back towards him.  
  
"How's Kem?" Abby asked, and watched as Carter's face got a look of pure concentration on the ball and he dribbled it some more, though this time with a little more aggression. He doesn't answer her question and instead shoots the ball towards the hoop again, still missing. "Carter?"  
  
"She's going back. To Africa." He sighed and his face drops. "She said this isn't home to her and it never will be."  
  
"Are you going too?" She watched as he hesitates for a second before shaking his head.  
  
"I can't. Not again. Not right now. I was just starting to get everything sorted out. At least the house hasn't sold yet, I can still live there. I'll sell the apartment."  
  
"I'm sorry John."  
  
"I've been carrying this thing around all week. Trying to find the right time, the right opportunity, but I couldn't bring myself to do it." He pulled a small blue box out of his pants pocket and walked over to Abby. Her breathe stopped as she realized what it was and fingered it as gently as she had the first time. "I'm really not good at the whole proposing thing am I?"  
  
"I wouldn't know." She finds her voice again and he watches her reaction while her eyes are still locked on the box.  
  
"I was going to propose to you that night, at the restaurant. I guess Susan told you."  
  
"You think that's what happened, how I found out?" Carter gave her a questioning look before she continued. "I found it. You were in the shower and I was making tea. And Maggie called and I was hanging up your jacket and this fell out. That's when I realized it was over, that I wasn't what you wanted. I thought maybe I could make myself better, but you didn't care. And then your grandmother died and that was it."  
  
"You think you weren't what I wanted?"  
  
"Carter..."  
  
"You were everything I ever wanted. God Abby, I spent two years realizing I wanted you but not being able to have you. And then I came back and you were in med school and I realized you didn't need me. That I was what was holding you back." He ran his hand through his hair as Abby watched him and then he continued.  
  
"The reason..." His voice cracked. "The reason I didn't propose to Kem, the reason I couldn't bring myself to do it was that that is your ring. Gamma knew you, she liked you, and that was her ring. I don't know what will happen between us in the future, but that ring belongs to you."  
  
"John I can't take this from you."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It's your grandmother's engagement ring for one thing!"  
  
"I don't want it anymore."  
  
"Then put it away somewhere. Save it for your children. I don't know Carter...I just can't..." The heavens have decided to make a point because at that moment the skies opened up and it started to pour rain. "Shit!"  
  
"Come on." John yelled above the sound of the falling rain and wrapped his arm around her shoulder and started running.  
  
"Where are we going?" She yelled back at him.  
  
"Well since Doc's isn't here anymore, we're going to Ike's." Moments later they reached the front step of the new restaurant and tried to shake the wet drops off of themselves before going inside. They were both laughing by this point and took one look at each other and started laughing again. They slid into seats at a table and Abby ran her hand through her hair.  
  
"I haven't laughed like that in a while." Carter said after they both calmed down.  
  
"Yeah, me neither."  
  
"Ugh, this has been the worst day of my life."  
  
"Well that means tomorrow can only get better."  
  
"Since when have you been this optimistic?"  
  
"Since you went to Africa."  
  
"Sure, blame it on me."  
  
"Oh, I do, trust me."  
  
(Imagine this to be like the end of "Sand and Water" where the scene fades out with them sitting talking) Please review!! A second chapter depends on if you review or not – so tell me what you think. 


	2. Chapter 2

She had already decided to let the answering machine get the call, but by the fifth ring, she got tired of listening to it and finally picked it up.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"You don't sound good at all." Susan's way too cheerful, but still concerned voice responded.  
  
"Tell me something I didn't already know." Abby took the cordless phone and went back to her spot on the sofa.  
  
"Are you feeling any better?"  
  
"I was and then I felt worse." She sniffled for effect.  
  
"I'm sorry. Do you want me to bring you anything? Soup? A hot guy?"  
  
"You got me a stripper for my birthday last year. No thanks, I think I'll skip this time."  
  
"That guy was cute. What was his name? Some kind of dinosaur or something...T-bone?" Abby rolled her eyes as she listened to her friend.  
  
"I believe it was Rex."  
  
"I was close." Susan sighed. "So you're sure you're okay?"  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. This cold just sucks. I haven't left my apartment in two days."  
  
"Some might consider that a good thing."  
  
"Not when I'm by myself and I feel like crap!"  
  
"Okay, I was just calling to check in. I'll talk to you later. Feel better."  
  
"Thanks." Abby replied, and hung up after she heard Susan do the same. She walked over to a cabinet and grabbed a glass and filled it with water. She set the glass onto the counter and opened another cabinet. Pulling out a bottle and opening the lid, she turned it to pour the contents into her hand, but instead nothing came out. Looking inside, she found the bottle empty. She rolled her eyes and then walked into her bedroom to find her shoes. After putting on the shoes, she grabbed her purse, sweater, and keys and exited the apartment. The drug store was only a couple blocks away, so she slid her sweater on as she went down the stairs of her building.  
  
As she walked, she noticed something hitting her in the side with every stride she took. Curious, she dug her hand into the pocket and frowned as she realized what it was she was now looking at. She quickly reached into her purse and pulled out her cell phone and dialed a once familiar number.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"I have something of yours."  
  
"You don't sound good. Are you sick?"  
  
"Yeah. I'm actually on my way to the store to get more Advil and some cough medicine. I hadn't even realized I was out. I must be delirious. And way to change the subject!"  
  
"I'm sorry. Please continue."  
  
"I forgot to give you back your ring. I just found it in my pocket."  
  
"You want me to come get it?"  
  
"You don't have to do that, Carter. I'll just bring it to the hospital when I go in. I just didn't want you to worry when you couldn't find it."  
  
"Okay. Well thanks." The conversation suddenly became oddly awkward.  
  
"Um, I guess I'll see you later then."  
  
"Bye."  
  
She made it to the drug store and back home in about twenty minutes and crashed onto the sofa as soon as she made it through the door. She hadn't realized exactly how exhausted she was until she was up and moving. This was when it paid to have a boyfriend or a husband to take care of you, or just anyone. This was the single most reason why is sucked to be single, especially when the people around you all have someone to go home to at night.  
  
Abby sat back up and opened the plastic bag containing her medicine and grabbed it and walked into the kitchen. She peeled the wrapper off of the Advil container and pulled out the cotton and threw it into the trashcan before shaking three tablets into her hand. Taking the already filled water glass that was still sitting on the counter, she popped the pills into her mouth and took a sip of the water, swishing it in her mouth before tipping her head back and swallowing. Then she unscrewed the lid of the Ny- quil that she had also purchased at the drug store. She took a spoon out of a drawer and poured a teaspoon of the green liquid. As the flavor took effect in her mouth, she wrinkled her face and tried not to think about the disgusting taste. She rinsed the spoon off and set it in the sink and kicked off her shoes before returning to the sofa. She pulled the blanket up around her as she picked up the television remote and turned on the TV. The last thing she remembered as she faded into a deep sleep was the voice on the television announcing the time.  
  
The next thing she was aware of was a knock on her door. Looking quickly at her watch she realized only about an hour had passed. She stood up and headed towards the door and then ran her hand over her head and realized it was all over the place. She pulled it out of the disheveled ponytail before glancing through the peephole.  
  
"Hey." Carter said as the door he was standing in front of opened slowly and her face appeared behind it.  
  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"I brought you some soup." He held up a bag and walked in the door and placed it on the counter. "It's chicken noodle, I know you like that."  
  
"You didn't have to do that."  
  
"You don't have anyone to take care of you." Carter shrugged and pulled the container out of the bag.  
  
"I don't need anyone to take care of me." Abby shot back quickly, knowing full well that less than an hour ago she had thought differently to herself.  
  
"You're right, you don't." He nodded, as if defeated. "Well I have to get going."  
  
"Thank you." She called as he neared the door. "For the soup."  
  
He shot her a sad smile as he opened the door, but as he was about to leave, she remembered something and called out his name before rushing into her bedroom quickly and emerging again with something in her hand.  
  
"As long as you're here you might as well take it."  
  
"Yeah. Right." Carter nodded and took the box from her hand and shoved it in his pocket. "Bye."  
  
She watched as he left and then walked towards the container sitting on her counter. She pulled off the top and sighed as the smell quickly snaked its way through the apartment. She grabbed a spoon out of a drawer and took a sip of the soup. It tasted good and warm in her cold ridden body. Suddenly she felt guilty for snapping at Carter. She picked up the phone and dialed his number, however after waiting for ten rings without him picking up, she hung up. Grabbing the container and the spoon, she plopped back onto the sofa and curled her legs under her. She'd have to wait and talk to him tomorrow. 


End file.
